I've been digging through my photostream again, looking at the photos from about a year ago.  I absolutely ache for this girl.  She has no idea of the kind of hell that is coming, and also that it will eventually be okay.  And then not okay and then okay again.  And that this cycle will continue for the rest of her life.  A beautiful thing, perspective.   

For a long time I have carried around this idea in my head that I am too fat to exercise. Despite all of the messages out there telling us we *should* be exercising (because otherwise we'll be bad fatties...ooo), there is a distinct lack of actual imagery, videos, photos, etc of fat people in the act of exercising. The media portrays all athletes as lean hardbodies and there's no room for the rest of us to see ourselves in that ideal.

About a year ago I went to Vancouver, BC to watch my brother run a marathon and it was an incredible experience. I realized that I wanted to run one too, someday. I managed to find a fat-friendly trainer (ask me about her if you are in the Portland area. She is AWESOME) and set about working out once a week, with the marathon goal in mind. I had no idea what I was capable of doing, but I wanted to give it a shot so I could maybe someday reach my goal. I'm certainly not some magical good fattie success story, but my point is that once I blindly leapt and gave it a shot, I realized I was so much more capable, physically, than I had previously thought.

Long story short, I think the lack of imagery had a lot to do with my reluctance to believe in myself physically. So I would like to invite you all to participate in a new photo project with me. I started a group on flickr called Athletes at Every Size, with the intent of getting people who don't fit the hardbody image to post their workout photos. I think it would be a really powerful thing for us to show what we can do, to ourselves and others.

So if you've got photos of yourself in the act of working out, or in the middle of your post-workout glow, or even just in your workout clothes, please post them.  The point is to show the range of bodies that are capable of exercising (and hopefully enjoying it), so whether you consider yourself to be fat, fit, a long time exerciser or just starting out, please post to the group.  The world needs to see you!

Krissy and I brainstormed over a lovely brunch yesterday about having a central hub for fat activists to set up profiles and share the projects they are working on.  She then went home and created this awesome site!  If you are at all interested in fat activism, please check it out and join us :)

http://fatactivistnetwork.ning.com/

It will be the cheesiest, most cliched, most hackneyed novel this world has ever seen...I can't wait!

I've been looking through my flickr photostream today.  I was doing the 365 project for a while so I have about a bajillion photos of myself from February to now.  In most of them I look like this:



but I know for a fact I was feeling more like this:


Interesting how we lie for photos.  Also interesting is how happy and fun life looks from a distance when up close it is sucking hardcore.

Not now...now I'm doing okay.  But overall Feb to now has kind of sucked.  True story :)

I can see this window from my bed but I didn't notice all the spiderwebs until I saw it during the day.  Clearly this is the hot spider hangout in my bedroom.  All it needs is a little flashing neon sign....I can just imagine it..."Winston's"  :D

Grab the nearest book.
* Open the book to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.
* Don't dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST

from Comfortable with Uncertainty: 108 Teachings on Cultivating Fearlessness and Compassion by Pema Chodron

"There's no sense of appreciation because we're so solemn about everything."

that is the damn truth.

Today I got a call from a parent who wanted to disable the discussion board feature because "I don't want my son to be able to talk to any of the other online students".  I get the feeling that kid is going to have a whole lot to share with his therapist someday....

After a few weeks of turning it over in my head, I came to a realization today:  I don't want to be a graphic designer.  Sure, I enjoyed the class I took this summer and I do like fiddling around with layouts and things like that, but I honestly just don't care all that much about fonts, I don't have all that much drawing ability, and when my profs would talk about what working as a graphic designer is actually like, I thought it sounded really effing boring.

I hate the idea of quitting things, but this time in my life is supposed to be about discovering myself and figuring out what I actually want to do.  So I'm going in a different direction.  I'm going to take the money I was going to spend on GD and try some jewelry classes instead.  Maybe it will turn out to be something I want to do, maybe not, but it's definitely worth a try.   

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=is+it+love&aq=1&oq=is+it+lov


I know, if you have to ask, it probably isn't, but I still think it's sweet to think about some teenager sitting around thinking about his/her main squeeze and contemplating the important questions....:D

This is what happens when you feel guilty because you don't live with your dogs anymore.  Hopefully they'll be too busy chewing on things to realize I'm trying to buy their love.



Also?  T and I DO look like sisters....crazy

I've been connecting with several old friends from high school via Facebook lately.  I suppose I shouldn't be, but I am totally surprised by how many of them are McCain/Palin supporters.  Granted, I went to high school in Georgia which is a clear hotbed of conservative Republican activity, but it astounds me that any thinking person of my (or any) generation can look at the past eight years and really think that more of the same is a good idea.  It worries me.  What the hell is wrong with people?   

Ahem.  I would just like to announce that sweetpotatopop  is the best! one! ever!


Oh hello red velvet cupcakes!  (nom nom nom)

best unblock request today:  assparade.com

Our content blocking server just got a request to allow the following website on the student laptops:

http://www.tesh.com/ittrium/visit?path=A1x97x1y1xa5x1x76y1x240dx1x9b

I don't know...my gut feeling is that children should be protected from this kind of thing...

I think this is just a rehash of the same study from a few weeks ago, but I'm still happy to see it on CNN!  Also, hooray for the photo with the article...still not showing people's faces but it's nice to see clearly fat bodies working out and not just walking around headless eating a turkey leg.

Boy, that DOES sound great!  Where do I sign up?

Check out this article from the FRONT PAGE of the Oregonian.  Bottom right.  Yes I do believe it acknowledges that it's possible to be fat and healthy.  Thanks Associated Press!  

http://www.oregonlive.com/oregonian/ftp/Tuesday-A1.pdf